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Rider’s Block January 16, 2007

In life, there’s few certainties, and many speculations. For example, a certainty might sound like Car Accident Attorney
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Winter on the east coast has been the crappiest in 25 years, and this sucks giant donkey balls,
while you could speculate that
The weather patterns have turned, and soon it will be winter as long as you do a snow dance!
or that
The planet is warming, and this is bad. You could also just roll with Can I cab 180 over that rocky mud patch there?

Right?

Either way, when your current certainties suck, speculating is lame. And boring. What isn’t boring is The Block TV Show, a reality series about the Block Hotel, a Tahoe snowboarder haven founded by Marco Frank Montoya, the quintessential rider warrior columnist, and Liko Smith, a Las Vegas hotel chieftain of sorts.

The question is — can G4 TV actually show us the real Lake Tahoe? The answer is — Tahoe soldiers boardsliding to their death down a large and steep metal staircase with a flat landing covered in 3 inches of snow, just for the chance at a free snowboard and a shot at another contest sponsored by The Block. Regardless of the drugs, sex and snowboarding so explicitly present in the adverts for coming episodes, we’re thinking that we’ll continue watching this shit.

Seen it? Holla below.

Snowboard Video Roundup December 17, 2006

It’s on. The snowboard season is finally fucking on. To prep for this season’s snowboard mayhem, we picked up copies of three of the new crop of of
snowboard videos, Mack Dawg Production’s Follow Me Around, Absinthe Film’s More, and That, the Forum Team video. There are many more great films out there, but these are the three we got first, and definitely all of ‘em are worth owning. But in case you are rocking the Ramen budget, here’s a handy guide to help you decide which to pick up first.

Follow Me Around That More
Reasonable? Completly unfucking reasonable.
Andres Wiig throws a back rodeo 7 off a 9 million foot cliff onto an avalanche prone 62.5% pitch. It defies logic and reason.
Beyond Reason.
Eddie “Titanuimspine” Wall, drops 113 feet onto a flat landing. It’s crunchtastic.
Totally Unreasonable.
Travis Rice and his gyroscopic brain? Nico Mueller, MFM, and Droz? Yes, please.
Soundtrack Questionable. We completely sweat Mack Dawg soundtracks, with their ability to resurrect dead soldier songs; except, this one might have gone too far. Out of the gate, we were bombarded with Chicago. With tasty cuts from Wolfmother and NOFX, we were almost back into it, but then inexplicably MDP decides to skewer their audienace and pollute Eero Etala’s part with Dexy’s Midnight Rider’s “Come on Eileen.” Assholes. Solid. Shit we know and new shit that we are now stoked on. Ridonkulous. Somehow, the Absinthe guys are music geniuses, digging up incredible classics, overlooked, underplayed, and well-hooked indie favorites, and future pop anthems. Alright.
Liner/Extras Who cares? A forum catalog. Lame.totally.lame Some assy CD that we’ll never listen to.
What is the Coolest New Style? Eddie Wall
Eddie Wall
Stevie Bell
Stevie Bell

Marco Frank Montoya
Secret Bonus ??? Clever Forum Product Placement You’d have to be really intoxicated to miss ‘em, which has happened to us several times already.
In a Nutshell Eurotastic!! Buy Forum!! Travis Rice
best.rider.ever

So there it is. Have you seen another film that you think tops one of these? Perhaps the new Standard or TGR flick? Get your comment on below.

Recruiting Our Next Generation of Violent Drug Warriors October 26, 2006

Best.Paramilitary.Force.EverWashingtonpost.com is running an article on the front page of the site today regarding school programs in the area designed to promote “Red Ribbon Week”, a DEA sponsored drug awareness campaign. Featured in this article is Marshall Middle School in Fauquier County, VA, where the school’s genius principal, Christine Moschetti, encouraged her students and staff to wear camouflage and other paramilitary gear in support of the campaign.

How fucking appropriate. It’s a great show of support for the rise in paramilitary tactics; the advent of violent soldiering tactics that are now used to serve warrants and enforce even the most minor of drug infractions. Radley Balko at the Cato Institute has been doing some terrific research in this area. His work documents how this ridiculous and scary trend has led us to a place where innocent people in the US are being killed, terrorized and having their homes invaded by paramilitary forces because the Feds and a bunch of dipshit police commissioners in a small crappy communities like Fauquier think SWAT teams and AK-47s are the new black.

So, way to fucking go, Marshall Middle School, what a great cause to support. Hopefully, your kids have gone right to work, bashing the heads in of your small but growing stoner population. Did you let ‘em bring their guns into school too? While you’re at it, make sure they smack around a few Goth kids and stomp some Homos directly on the balls. It’s super important that these deviants learn at an early age. In no time, you’ll be on your way to being angry, wife-abusing, alcoholic DEA agents. Woohoo!

The truly cosmic irony here is that many of the kids who are eagerly rocking the camo gear in WaPo’s photos are going to be the unfortunate souls on the receiving end of the DEA’s gestapo style drug enforcement policies in just a few years. Well, not all of them, some of those chicks are already too fat to get invited to any parties where they might get offered that first gateway joint.

Yeah, that was kind of fucked, but deal with it. Maybe Marshall middle school needs to address their cheeseburger problem before tackling their next drug awareness campaign. What do you think? Hit us up below or send in your hate mail to chodeo@gonzorangers.com.

Yes Virginia, There is a DC Snowboard Scene October 18, 2006

DC is generally not a snowboarder friendly city. In addition to lacking 400 inches of snow a year and several thousand feet of vertical, snowboarders seem about as common in the area as Goldwater republicans. The lawyers, defense contractors and neoconservative civil servants that populate this town are not the kind of people that can engage you in a reasonable discussion about whether or not the snow in Utah is indeed the best on earth, or whether or not it was a good move for Travis Rice to film with Absinthe again this year. It’s a place where hauling your gear out of a car in March raises eyebrows, and rocking a hoodie causes people on the street take the long way around you, fearing an unking.

So, what is a rider stranded in this snowboard-sceneless town supposed to do, except flop around like a fish out of water?

Monument snowboards gave us a resounding answer last Saturday night by throwing down a huge party at Arlington’s Dr. Demo for the premier of their new team video. The monument crew gave away free decks, had bands perform, and, of course, showed off their team’s new video, which rocked. Most importantly though, the event attracted huge numbers of local riders, including pros like Jeremy “Def Jam” Cline.

There are 2 kinds of riders that populate the rat infested swamps of the DC metropolitan area: Those who were born here, have never left, and just don’t know any better, and the elite cadre of riders who have experience out west and still manage revel in the shitiness of a 3 month season, yellow man-made crud and 600 ft vertical drops. Those in the later are some of the sport’s most hardcore fans; it’s easy to love the sport when you ride champagne powder twice a week. It takes a special kind of love to repeatedly land on your kidneys on ice coast crud because of a poorly cut jump in the Whitetail terrain park and still come back the next evening to do it all over again. Men and woman who ride regularly in conditions like these are ardent fanatics. Monument’s event brought a small army of these fanatics together, and the masses rejoiced.

DC Area Rangers…..this just in….. October 13, 2006

MonumentHey players…..in case you are not going to some sort of fake wedding Saturday 10/13, Monument is having a bash with some give aways. I hope our boys in Vermont catch on to this sweet trend (hint hint). The details are below:

Hey everyone…
Just to let you all know… we are giving away three boards during the premiere. It’s not posted on any of the online flyers, or stressed in any of my messages to everyone. No raffle tickets this year. I am going to post three envelopes around the bar that will contain a piece of paper stating that you are one of the lucky three. The winners will pick their board from the samples of boards that we have. Something different that we have not done before.

So I’ve been telling people to get there at 8ish to hang out, and obviously the earlier you get there, the more of a chance you’ll get to win a board. and not look as funny as you are looking through every nook and cranny of the bar for the envelopes.

This will be my last message in regards to the party, I know I’ve sent alot, so hopefully you can pass this along to your friends. Premiere will play at 9 and encore at 10, so come check out Gel Music and Official perform as well, as they are both in the video.

no cover. just come in, get a beer, and come towards the back to hang out with us.

thanks,
Dave

The spot: sketchy Dr. Dremos in trendy Arlington VA. A DC area Ranger will be there to check it out and report back.

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