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When Tools Attack June 30, 2006

Apparantly, in the shady world of online dating, nothing is more hardcore than JDate, and we’ve got the proof.

Check out these incredible voicemail messages, from the “king of stalkers”, some dude named Darren, demanding that his date pay up on a bill from a dinner date after things fizzled. We were actually a bit nervous to post these because he might try to send us a “summons” or maybe “contact our employeer.” Ha ha, what a douchebag.

Darren the Stalker

Darren the Stalker: The Darrenator Returns

Darren: Now with Extra Sketchiness

Darren the Gentleman

Look at me!! I called The China Grill!

What a piece of work this guy is. Too bad we don’t have his address because it would be incredible to upper-deck every toilet in his house.

Here’s the original email we received which contains some of his incredibly beautiful prose as well.

Here is the story:

6/4/2006 - Dinnertime

So Joanne meets Darren on JDate.com, and they set up a date for June 4th at the China Grill in NYC. They go out to dinner and Joanne offers to split the bill, but Darren insists on paying.

6/19/2006 - Evening

Darren leaves a message on Joanne’s home answering machine telling her that since she didn’t want a second date that she should split the cost of the dinner with him, and follows up with this email:

————————————————————-

From: Darren :
Date: Jun 19, 2006 8:48 PM
Subject: Date
To: xxxxx@xxxxxx.com:
Cc:
Sorry things didn’t work out. I guess you changed your mind.

Here is my address for the $50 bucks:
XXX East XXth Street, Apt. XXX
NY

Take care,

Darren

More hardcore Darrenator action after the jump…

(more…)

Follow the Leader April 17, 2006

We rangers believe in many things revolving around freedom of expression, including probing the fences of society’s organizations from time to time. Sometimes we look for holes (and exploit them) and others we just see how often we can get zapped by the electric repellant system before learning to stop. But then there are those fences that house things so disgustingly gaudy that we must assault them with sheer mockery. This is the case I, Ranger Ron, addressed in my recent probe of Scientology.

I just can’t stop laughing about Scientology and its ludicrous unproven pillars. So, I decided to attempt to become a member of the maw of Scientology - their founding chapter in DC. My first post to them follows, but alas they have not returned my request with an invitiation to join. Maybe I went a little too far overboard…

Scientologist- 

I am a local man, 38 years old and single. I have had quite a tumultuous life so far and must find the true path to my inner essence. Being from the Washington, DC area, I have been familiar with Mr. Hubbard’s journeys and the Church of Scientology for some time but have never investigated it…until now.

After my repeated failures with women in the 90’s (I unfortunately have a congenital skin disease, making me a bit on the “unattractive” side to women), I tried turning to men. But, alas, I was still unable to find that true passion that I seek. It wasn’t until I came across the study of Dianetics technology that I learned that I must love myself before anyone else can!

Reading the theories of Dianetics inevitably led me to be curious about the ways of Scientology. Many of your hollywood representatives advocate the soul cleansing benefits of scientology and I want to be rich and attractive, too, so I would like to join them. Obviously they have realized the true essence of themselves and have mastered Dianetics on the way, leading them to be the beautiful, affluent minions they are! I want to know the leader and become a devout follower.

My past constantly haunts me and I NEED a way to prevail. I MUST finally step out of the closet, as I’ve heard Mr. Cruise say!! I want to learn more of the story of Dark Lord Xenu’s plots to exterminate Teegeeack’s souls and how the Loyal Officers came to stand against him! Scientology is my destined path, I can feel it.

So, what are the steps that I must take to fully immerse myself in your following? I want to believe in my essence finally and I believe that the leader’s church is the way!

Sincerely,
Ron Gangeroz

Rest assured, we’re all hoping I make it in, for the sake of the Rangers. We could really use an inside man. And of course, any reply will also make for a great follow-up posting.

-Ranger Ron

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  • Author : Ron Gangeroz
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