Chuckin’ a Tweed, Pop A Noodle January 28, 2006
Congratulations, Shaun White and Kelly Clark. We’d still rather go freeriding with this guy.
Who’s got my X Games? January 27, 2006
So we actually did some real reporting this week. By real reporting, we mean that we emailed some real reporters, and one of them, for reasons still unbeknownst to us, actually wrote us back.
Did we find any thing good out? Hell yeah we did, dog! We got a list of all the riders invited to Winter X, except it includes recent scratches and additions and is much more up to date than what’s out there on EXPN.com. Based on this info, here is what you should expect when the games get underway this weekend:
Make sure you remember to do the drinking game.
With only 23 days and 7 hours until the drop of the green flag which will mark the start of the Great American Race………the Daytona 500, we’d like to try and open some eyes to this bad ass sport. For a while, we thought of…’NASCAR as a 4 hour left hand turn’ snobs, very akin to the two-plankers who thumbed their noses at snowboarding even though they never tried it. Unfortunately, we used to be those snobs. That all changed the first time we went to a race. Since Baseball has somehow been labeled ‘America’s sport,’ here is a quick comparison on why going to a NASCAR race is far better than going to watch baseball.
1. You can bring in all of the alcohol you can carry into a race.
2. No men in tights prancing around on the grass.
3. Once the race starts, the roar of the cars prevents the likelihood of some tool talking loudly on a cell phone next to you.
4. Baseball is boring. No one ever falls asleep at a race*
5. It is totally acceptable to get up, shout, and fly the bird at any team, driver, or car manufacturer that you don’t like.
6. Our last 6 races have all had 8+ hour long tailgates….do people tailgate for baseball?
7. Cops are very cool at the races….open containers are ok!
8. A burn out is way cooler to watch than two dudes slapping each other on the rear.
9. You can get a turkey leg at the track which is far more superior than a $5 hotdog.
10. Did we mention you can bring all of the alcohol you can carry into the race?
Now, we will admit that without having a driver to pull for, the race can seem like a 4 hour left hand turn. To remedy this, try picking a driver that you like and follow him throughout the race. There are multiple ways you can do this such as picking they guy who drives for your favorite beer or the Viagra car if you take it. It is not a coincidence that one of the premier drivers Jeff Burton shares the name with one of the premier companies in the world…Burton.The bottom line is, once you actually take the time to watch and understand a race, you will realize that NASCAR is off the hook!
* We have to admit, we have seen many people passed out at races but due to alcohol consumption but never boredom.
the beav’s Search for Meaning January 26, 2006
Our audience has posed some interesting existentialist questions to us this week. Some people want to know why there’s no link to email us. Some want to know if we are going to write about anything else besides snowboarding. Others wonder why we call it the beav, or indeed, what is the real meaning and purpose of the site? One reader asks, aren’t all snowboarders just useless stoners? Finally, people want to know why we are so mean to Kelly Clark.
The answers are: We’re working on it so in the meantime leave us comments bitches, yes, it’s a secret, give us gifts, for sure, and because gold medal or not, she is one fucking ugly woman and we hate how she sometimes sings along out loud to her iPod before she drops in.
For reals though, this isn’t just a blog about snowboarding, there’s just so much to write about in the snowboard world right now with the X-games and Olympics and all. To boot, the MSM and bloggers who are covering it for the most part really suck so the beav is stepping up. Once things settle down in that department, we’ll move on to doing what we intended to do from the start: spewing radical invective so controversial and extreme that no one affiliated with the beav will be legally employable by the US government.
OK, OK, we kid again. Really, the answer is gifts, bitches, gifts.
Check it — at the beav, we do a lot of research on the ole intraweb to make sure you get the goods. Unfortunately, there are inherent hazards in this. Consider, for example, this 2006 Olympic blog that we keep running into while traversing the Blogosphere in search of a scoop.
It’s a terrific find if you are a 55 year old reading at a 3rd grade level and want info on the Olympics. Otherwise, it blows. Check out a nugget from this entry:
I can see how snowboarding is a challenging sport. But I still don’t know if I buy it as an Olympics [sic] sport. If inline skaters have to become ice speed skaters to participate in the Olympics, maybe snowboarders should become skiers. This is probably a sure sign that I’m getting old.
No, it’s a sure sign that you are fucking lame.
Whatever. Since we’re nice guys at the beav, we’re going to hook Ms. Genius Blogger up with a free blog entry that she can use to preview the Olympic women’s snowboard X.
Lindsey Jacobellis is a snowboarder. She is very fast. She has curly hair. She likes cats. Do you like cats? Lindsey is in a TV commercial for Visa. Do you like TV? Go, Lindsey, go!
Be careful, it’s sketchy out there in cyberspace, joes.« newer posts | older posts »