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Darren’s Encore Performance July 25, 2006

As promised, here is a final shout out from our homie Darren. There are actually a handful more voicemails out there, and some terrifically salacious tales, but we feel that this is the best one for us to wrap on. It’s classic Darrenator, just released, and we’re certain that you haven’t heard it before.

I’ll sue you silly, Joanne! The FBI! Roadrunner! The Justice Department!

Here’s what Darren will probably never understand. All the effort in the world from Joanne, Donald, the Gonzo Rangers, or the hundreds of other blogs out there who have carried this thing couldn’t have made him such an international celebrity. It’s so easy to post to the Intraweb these days that only the truly spectacular are selected by the masses from the constant din of information. There is only one man or woman in this whole saga who is exceptional enough to command such a presence, and his name is the Darrenator.

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Save Snowboard Magazine July 24, 2006

Snowboard MagWhen we were 13 year old grommet snowboarders making our parents drive us up to the mountain every weekend, we sweated every page of every copy of TWSnow magazine. We loved that shit like fat kids love cake (yeah, we know what you’re thinking- Fuck off, so we were fat too, who cares?) All the full page, full color ads that were nothing but sick pictures with taglines like “If you smoke, please try Burton.” That shit was tight!

Then, we grew up. We actually wanted info about resorts, vertical drop, sweet places to in Europe to ride where the ski areas didn’t slap us into handcuffs for poaching fresh tracks on the “skier’s only” trail. We wanted inside scoop on the latest product and we wanted to read articles on why Matty Ryan is such a fucking punk and how rich Shaun White is now.

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Darren Appears at a Newstand Near You July 21, 2006

As we mentioned yesterday, the Darrenator has now been immortalized in print. Lloyd Grove’s Lowdown at the New York Daily News dishes the scoop — most of which is weeks old news. One new development is that he quotes a JDate spokesman as saying that Big Daddy D has been suspended. There’s also this bit which is hilarious:

Sherman’s smiling snapshot on JDate — where he variously employed the user names “Cute­TallFunny,” “CuteTallFit” and “SexyTallWitty” — gave no hint of his jaw-dropping chutzpah.

Grove was also able to get the elusive Darrenator on the phone:

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Darrenator Update Soon… July 20, 2006

If our sources are correct, there’s been some very interesting developments in the saga of Darrenhood lately. We honestly thought this thing had about run its course, but the rumor is that the FBI might actually be involved. We’re trying to track down some specifics now.

Another tidbit is that Darren may be geting some lovin’ from a NYC newspaper tommorrow, which will be super fun for everyone! Except big daddy D, of course.

We’ll get back to you as soon as we know the score.

Get Ready to Purify our Rundwons, Bitches Part II July 17, 2006

As promised, we did some serious recon at a Scientology outpost to find out the real deal about these guys.  And here’s the real deal: Scientology is a waste of time and money.  Have you had your thetans checked?  Don't blow this Gill!The dude working there (we’ll call him Gill, after his resemblance to the struggling salesman of Simpsons fame) was perfectly nice to us.  However, his answers never strayed from the vague talking points that enable these guys to attract impressionable minds.  To Gill’s credit, he sincerely believed what he was saying.  Questioning the validity of what he was proclaiming propably never occurs to Gill.  And like his Simpsons namesake, we just felt bad for the real life Gill.  

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