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Dude, where’s my NASCAR? January 27, 2006

With only 23 days and 7 hours until the drop of the green flag which will mark the start of the Great American Race………the Daytona 500, we’d like to try and open some eyes to this bad ass sport. For a while, we thought of…’NASCAR as a 4 hour left hand turn’ snobs, very akin to the two-plankers who thumbed their noses at snowboarding even though they never tried it. Unfortunately, we used to be those snobs. That all changed the first time we went to a race. Since Baseball has somehow been labeled ‘America’s sport,’ here is a quick comparison on why going to a NASCAR race is far better than going to watch baseball.

1. You can bring in all of the alcohol you can carry into a race.
2. No men in tights prancing around on the grass.
3. Once the race starts, the roar of the cars prevents the likelihood of some tool talking loudly on a cell phone next to you.
4. Baseball is boring. No one ever falls asleep at a race*
5. It is totally acceptable to get up, shout, and fly the bird at any team, driver, or car manufacturer that you don’t like.
6. Our last 6 races have all had 8+ hour long tailgates….do people tailgate for baseball?
7. Cops are very cool at the races….open containers are ok!
8. A burn out is way cooler to watch than two dudes slapping each other on the rear.
9. You can get a turkey leg at the track which is far more superior than a $5 hotdog.
10. Did we mention you can bring all of the alcohol you can carry into the race?

Now, we will admit that without having a driver to pull for, the race can seem like a 4 hour left hand turn. To remedy this, try picking a driver that you like and follow him throughout the race. There are multiple ways you can do this such as picking they guy who drives for your favorite beer or the Viagra car if you take it. It is not a coincidence that one of the premier drivers Jeff Burton shares the name with one of the premier companies in the world…Burton.The bottom line is, once you actually take the time to watch and understand a race, you will realize that NASCAR is off the hook!

* We have to admit, we have seen many people passed out at races but due to alcohol consumption but never boredom.

Comments»

1. Jessica - January 27, 2006

Nooooooo… not Nascar! I was really liking the snowboarding posts, but Nascar? Where’s the libertarian? Maybe he should write some more…

2. B-Higgins - January 27, 2006

You Might Be A NASCAR Redneck If. . . . . .

You think the last four words of the National Anthem are “Gentleman
start your engines!”….

You think heaven looks a lot like Daytona Beach, Florida….

You’ve ever written Richard Petty’s name on a presidential ballot….

You’re not actually able to read The Richard Petty Story, but you sure
do like to look at the pictures….

You have the word NASCAR in your wedding vows….

You go to a stock car race and don’t need a program….

You have a lifesize cutout of Dale Earnhardt in your Living Room….

You know who is actually leading the Winston Cup series….

Your favorite NASCAR souvenir was a direct result of a crash in turn
three….

You spell out NASCAR in Christmas lights….

You can remember the entire NASCAR series schedule but can’t remember
your wifes birthday, kids birthday, or anniversary….

You can remember every NASCAR driver and their car number but can’t
remember how old your children are….

You think the most effective form of advertising is on the side of a car
going 200 mph…..round and round and round….

The word “Bank” makes you think of turn three at Daytona….

Your wife’s nickname is “Lugnut”….

You’ve spent more time on the top of a Winnebago than in one….

You know the “Back way” to Talledega….

You can change a tire faster than you can change a diaper….

You hit the wall when Earnhardt hits the wall….

You make engine noises while watching racing on TV….

“Posted by two-planker snobs who like beating up Nascar rednecks.”

3. B-Higgins - January 27, 2006

What does NASCAR stand for?
Non-Athletic Sport Centered Around REDNECKS

What does Pink Floyd and Dale Sr. have in common?

Their last big hit was “the wall.”

4. Fast Cars - January 31, 2006

Dude, Where’s My NASCAR?…

A neophyte NASCAR fast car fan…….