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The Darrenator Strikes Back July 5, 2006

Many of you have posed some really good questions about our favorite King of Stalkers.  Is he married?  Is he a dangerous rapist or merely a stingy bastard?  Isn’t this whole thing just a hoax

We decided to get to the bottom of it and go right to the source — Big Daddy Darren himself.  We sent him the original chain of emails, voicemails included, and offered him a chance to comment.  The Darrenator responded immediately with this email, which kind of gave us a jump at first:

Date: Sat, 1 Jul 2006 00:43:38 -0700 (PDT)
From: “Police Matter” police_matter@yahoo.com
Subject: Cease & Desist In Your Actions - Criminal Investigation
To: Gonzo Rangers

You emailed me regarding an issue that is presently an on-going criminal investigation by the Police Department and the F.B.I.
 
I am requesting that you cease and desist ANY action on your part regarding your intended actions denoted in your email until we have an opportunity to chat.
 
Importantly, this email will serve as a record to address your email. For my records, I have blind “cc” myself on this email should this correspondence be needed in any way.
 
I would like your phone number so that I can reach out to you to discuss your email. Would you please email your full name and phone number?
 
Thank you very much for your cooperation in this on-going criminal matter. Your email is very important to me and look forward to the opportunity to respond.

——————————————————————————–
Want to be your own boss? Learn how on Yahoo! Small Business.

WTF?  Does the Darrenator really expect us to be spooked by a fake free Yahoo account?  Why is he such a douchebag?  We gave him our real phone number but apparently, he was too busy searching for women to stalk on JDate to give us a call, although we did receive this email back:

More Darrenator email after the jump…

Date: Sat, 1 Jul 2006 14:36:30 -0700 (PDT)
From: Police Matter police_matter@yahoo.com>
Subject: Re: Cease & Desist In Your Actions - Criminal Investigation
To: Gonzo Rangers
Thank you.
 
Kindly cease and desist ANY action on your part regarding your intended actions until I have an opportunity to chat with the law enforcement authorities. This will likely take a few months. You will be contacted.
 
Importantly, this email will serve as a record to address your email. For my records, I have blind “cc” myself on this email should this correspondence be needed in any way.

> Gonzo Rangers wrote:
> Please feel free to call me:  XXX.XXX.XXXX.

We plied him one more time for a comment, but no dice.  Apparently, the Darrenator is so intense that he is unable to communicate in any way except to threaten people.  With these emails above, we’re guessing the thing isn’t a hoax, but if it is, good show mates, it’s been fun. 

One more thing:  we’d really really like to talk to Joanne.  If anyone out there knows the gal, hook us up — Chodeo@gonzorangers.com is the address.  Or you can do the right thing and leave us some comments.  

Comments»

1. Adam - July 5, 2006

I actually know someone just like that up here in Toronto, and I’d almost bet that this is no hoax as a result.

There are certain dumbass bastards out there in the world who believe that anything that affects them in a negative manner is a miscarriage of justice and that somehow they have risen above all aspects of common sence, decency, and the law.

But an open question to The Darrenator, and maybe one of you Ranger guys can ask it on my behalf: if the $50 was so damned important to you, why did you take her somewhere that cost $100 instead of a restaurant where you could have eaten for $50? That way, you spend the $50 you intended to and you don’t need any more.

Come on, be a mensch and get out your friggin’ abacus.

2. Not Darren - July 5, 2006

using his email address, I found his profile on myspace… with it about 10 photos.

http://viewmorepics.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewPicture&friendID=70345008&MyToken=58efd821-9e0d-44e3-acb4-6a25c548ca24

3. Anonymous - July 5, 2006

All the shirtless pictures weird me out.

4. loquacious - July 5, 2006

MetaFilter is beginning to think that this is a hoax; Possibly marketing related:

http://www.metafilter.com/mefi/52784

5. Anon - July 5, 2006

where’d this stuff come from? is it one of those “Fwd:Fwd:fwd: lol this guy is a psycho!” emails?

and if not, wouldn’t it be easy to find Joanne simply by replying to sender and asking?

6. Darren - July 5, 2006

Please refrain from the mentioning of my name and contact details publicly within the internet and other mediums. I have been advised by the FBI and CIA that this is a breech of personal securtiy and is punishable by law 327 of the Personal Act.

This is my third request of action to this site and it will not be tolerated. I will have my attorney write you some correspondence. This make take some months so all information gather during this period will be evidence at your conviction.

Do the right thing.

7. dawn - July 5, 2006

oh yeah, do the right thing. this guy is preaching it but not doing it. the right thing would be to accept the fact that he should have gone dutch in the beginning and dropping it. or hell, just dropping it now. what a loser. i’d put $50 that he’s a virgin still

8. Anonamouse - July 5, 2006

a loser, a liar (CIA? puhleeeze) AND a virgin?

i find that damn near irresistible. please repost his personal info so i can contact him. for a date. i’ll pay.

no, really.

9. Adam - July 5, 2006

Oh shut the hell up, Darren. I’m surprised you can even spell CIA.

You’re clearly idly threatening at this point, otherwise you wouldn’t have used the phrase “evidence at your conviction.” Evidence is presented at a trial, Johnnie Cochran.

But since you’re here bullshitting, suppose you show us the site where the Personal Act is listed (I’m Canadian, so if it does exist, that’s my excuse), and where this site is in breach of it. I’m not an attorney, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night.

Let me try my hand at the legal thing. You entered into a legally binding contract orally and freely when you offered to assume the costs of the meal without reimbursement, a contract within which both you and your imagined defendant were fully aware of the terms and conditions. This contract is legally binding in The Court of Common Sense, and I hereby sentence you to castration via a dull rusty razor blade. You may live if you wish, but you may never….EEEEEEEEEEEEEVER…reproduce again!

* gavel pounded * Wow, I feel just like Judge Judy.

10. Darren - July 6, 2006

Adam,
My lawyer is on his way to your location as I speak. I have contacted your parents and am sending a letter home in the mail. I rang your doctor, dentist and that lady from chinese grill all twice and although it may take some time I will have justice.

Single men are not prey for man eaters. All we want in life is the right thing. You need to do it. The right thing that is. Not much else. When its time to collect you pull out your purse or wallet and fork over. Where I come from there is an old saying: “You eat the food, you drink the wine, you are hooked to a second date”. And if you dont follow that rule then its stalking time!

And by the way I would never reproduce! Babies arent born with cash in the pocket so who the hell is gonna pay the expenses. Cause god dammit Ill take that baby to court.

DO THE RIGHT THING

Dazza

11. Ruth - July 6, 2006

Yeah. This is definitely a hoax. Good game, ‘Darren’. Good game.

12. Darran - July 6, 2006

That’s it Ruth, I’m going over your head and calling your boss for implying that this is a hoax.

13. Darran - July 6, 2006

you ate the food, you drank the wine, now it’s time to pay up Ruth

Do the right thing

14. Adam - July 6, 2006

That last one definitely is. heh good one though. Especially the “my parents” part. :)

I don’t think the rest of it is. Why would anyone fake phone calls to a voice mail like that? That’s too much effort. And the other posts are too in keeping with the character.

15. Don Julio - July 6, 2006

she filed a police report with NYPD. There should be a record of it that can be traced through his name. He was also contacted before this hit the web as it originated as an email forward

16. chris - July 6, 2006

http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=70345008&MyToken=ff6040e5-b665-42cd-8c24-be33ebcc8163

This has got to be that guy. His face looks like it would be a perfect match for that creepy voice.

17. Darren - July 7, 2006

This is the last post I will make to this inconsiderate webpage. The summons is in the mail. To avoid any further action please reply by email advising me of my paments.

DO the Right Thing.

18. Lewis - July 7, 2006

I know this anything this guy says is definately nothing to be taken seriously, however don’t believe shit regarding his shallow threats. There is nothing that he can do about you having this information here, it is your right to do so.

If you don’t believe me, go and check out Tucker Max’s website and look in his blog for anything related to Anthony Dimeo, a guy who sued him because users on his site where bashing him.

19. Darla Darrenator - July 7, 2006

Hello,

My name is Darla Darrenator proud yet doting mother of Darren Gunther Darrenator and President of the Darrenator Foundation.

The Darrenator Foundation was founded on June 30, 2006 with the objective to subsidize certain costs related to Darren’s first dates provided that such dates do not lead to date #2.

Donations made out to the Darrenator Foundation are tax deductible and can be sent directly to China Grill, 50 50th Street, NY, NY, 10001.

Become our Platinum Member with a pledge of $100 or more and have a chance to date my beloved son where you can eat the food and drink the wine and be eligible to win a pair of Big Bird underwear.

Become our Gold Member with a pledge of $50 to $99 and receive several angry phone calls from my beloved son and a basket of my ever so famous flax seed meringue cookies.

Become a Silver Member with a pledge of $25 to $49 and receive a copy of Darren’s visa bill and his new book entitled “Dating the Darrenator: Will Joanne Ever Love Me”.

Any excess monies donated to the Darrenator Foundation shall be used to subsidize Darren’s psychotherapy bills or buy him several new cats.

It’s time you do the right thing. You can make a difference by donating to the Darrenator Foundation. Mail payment to the China Grill. Failure to comply shall result in the issuance of a summons.

Thank you for your time.

Sincerely,
Darla Darrenator

20. Lilmisskewl - July 11, 2006

Hilarious!

21. I.P. Freeley - July 15, 2006

Courtesy of Verizon.. Post links to further hilarity..

D. Sxxxxx
XXX East XXth St
New York, NY 10017-1679 Home: (XXX) XXX-XXXX

22. xelaz - July 17, 2006

Google (”Darren {enter last name from voice mail recording) ” + New York) the 2nd listing under phonebook results has what looks like a perfect match to the x’d out contact info above. iF this is a hoax, I feel sorry for the guy listed, if not, vent directly to the big cheap bastard.

(Edit: That is definitely NOT the address that we originally received — so don’t call that guy, it looks like he just has an unlucky name.)

23. Anonymous - July 17, 2006

Girl / Joanne: Hold your ground. This guy is a TOTAL loser. You were lucky to not have to endure a 3rd date with him

24. Sputnik - July 19, 2006

Transmitted on 07/19/2006 12:01PM:

Dear Darren,

you are a douche.

This is an open invitation to waste as much of your time/money/energy as possible to threaten or harrass me.

Perhaps you should read the The Electronic Communications Privacy Act (ECPA) in detail before making stupid threats that half the Internet is laughing about.

I’m a self-made early-20s non-jewish millionaire with legal background. I just wanted to let you know who you’re up against so when you commit a pathetic lonely suicide, you’ll know why.

I look forward to making a mockery of your life.

25. Anonymous - July 20, 2006

Whoa. He’s an idiot, he doesn’t deserve to die

26. Anonymous - July 23, 2006

I have to say that I actually had correspondence with Darren on jdate. He sends his picture and his curriculum vitae and a brochure from his business upon obtaining your email address. I assure you this is no hoax, I did give him my phone number and he called once, I heard his voice and decided that he wasn’t for me. I actually feel bad for this guy, he has to send his resume and his business brochure to hook a woman into a date, he thinks women will be impressed with a bunch of degrees etc. If you don’t react well to him on jdate, he then writes to you that you must be “fat and ugly” in person. I was fortunate to never meet him in person. I swear to you guys this person is real.

27. Darren Sherman - July 24, 2006

Sorry everyone - didn’t realize just how far this hoax would go. Back to work now before we bring down the economy.

28. drf - July 24, 2006

darren also contacted me on jdate. he is DEFINTIELY real. i spoke to him and he gave me some corny line and i knew then and there i was cancelling plans. i cancelled plans the next day- he started emailing me articles about hedgefunds things that had nothing to do with me. i asked him to stop emailing me an di never heard from him againl he is definitely a weirdo.
this is absolutely not a hoax.

29. littletarsier - July 25, 2006

not a hoax. covered in the ny daily news as well: http://www.nydailynews.com/front/story/436935p-367962c.html

30. Anonnymouse - July 31, 2006

Not a hoax. A friend of mine has had their blog suspended for referring to him by name and linking to a story about this. That’s how paranoid this guy is.

31. Thomas R - October 21, 2006

D. Sherman
XXX E XXth St
New York, NY 10028
(212) XXX-XXXX