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Reporting_Douchebags@DarrenatorCentral.com July 16, 2006

This caught us by total surprise, but it seems that Gonzo Rangers has some enemies in cyberspace.  Someone created a fake yahoo address, reporting_abuse@yahoo.com, and has been spamming other sites that have linked us, demanding that they take their links down.  Boris, who operates the Bier Cafe, was kind enough to forward such an email that he received:

From: Reporting_Abuse@yahoo.com
To: contact@bbchetgerecht.nl
Date: Friday, July 7, 2006, 5:49:50 AM
Subject: Contact Form Results

Reporting Abuse wrote:
Dear Bier Cafe,

There is an ongoing criminal investigation involving, among other things, privacy violations and aggravated harassment.

A website called Gonzo Rangers is involved.

Recently, their information was posted on YOUR website at the following hyperlink.

http://www.bbchetgerecht.nl/2006/06/30/voicemails-from-guy-wants-50-for-dinner-date-2.html

Please remove this thread from your website right away.

This matter is urgent and involves aggravated harrassment and privacy volations.

Website: Reporting Abuse on Your Website
IP: 166.214.60.70

Any guesses who might be involved?  Let’s bust out our Big Daddy Darrenator checklist:  Is the message threatening?  Check.  Is it from a fake yahoo pseudonym? Check.  Is it totally fucking lame?  Check.  Does it sound like it was written by a total douchebag?  Check.  It must be the Darrenator then! 

Fortunately for us, we can play this silly little game of Yahooliganism too — and we’ve got friends in much higher places. 

From: Supreme Allied Commander <supreme_allied_commander2006@yahoo.com>
To: Reporting Abuse <Reporting_Abuse@yahoo.com>; Police Matter <police_matter@yahoo.com>
Cc: chodeo@gonzorangers.com
Sent: Sunday, July 16, 2006 11:08:00 PM
Subject: Official Orders

Attention,
 
As the Supreme Allied Commander for military, police, and IT forces in the American, North Atlantic, and European theaters, I am ordering that you cease and desist all inquiries into the matter of Darren S. and the $50 dinner date. 
 
For our allied forces to succeed in the glorious struggle against the terrorist throngs of assholes and douchebags, we must succeed in holding the virtual beachhead we have established at gonzorangers.com.  The actions taken by both of you, Lt. Abuse, and Pfc. Matter, demonstrate a reckless disregard for the safety and livelihood of our allies.  There is currently an ongoing military investigation into this matter, and both of you risk being court martialed for conspiracy to maltreat and dereliction of duty. 
 
You are both hear by relieved of duty.  Lt. Abuse is to report immeadiately to Maj. Chodeo for latrine duty and Pfc. Matter is to report for KP at 0530 tomorrow. 
 
Dismissed,
The Supreme Allied Commander

Damn, this game is fun!  But, did the Darrenator honestly think that shit would work?  Like anyone would really pull down a link to our site because of this wussy little Yahoo game?  Maybe he just didn’t get the right addresses – we’re guessing that ImACheapBastard@yahoo.com and FullTimeDouchebagStalker@yahoo.com were already taken.   

Did you get your own email from a Darrenator address?  Let’s have it — comments below or blast it to chodeo@gonzorangers.com

Comments»

1. Cheryl Green (Cee Cee) - July 17, 2006

You guys are my heroes! I’ve gone out with so many jerks from Jdate - I’m just glad there are consequences for the bad behavior of at least one. Keep up the good work.

2. Liam - July 17, 2006

lol oh my god this shit is hilarious. keep updated on this guys! and try to upload the voicemail from the NYPD officer!

Liam from ireland

3. Johnny Studebaker - July 17, 2006

Hey Guys,
Looks like Darren “Summers Eve” Sxxxxxx is up to his old tricks again. Darren was one of those special kids, you know, the ones that wore the Heman Underoos and carried a “my little pony” to class.

..Thank you Mr. Monostat 7 for all your hard work..

4. Uber Lord Adolph Oliver Bush - July 17, 2006

Be a mensch, do the right thing and get your Darrennator gear here.

http://www.cafepress.com/buy/darrenator/-/pv_design_details/pg_1/id_13458792/opt_/fpt_/c_/hlv_t

takin the revolution to the street.

5. Hank Meatwhistle - July 17, 2006

Hell yeah - those shirts are great.. I especially like the ladies thong underwear that say “Do the Right Thing”.. to bad a get like the Darrenator will never get to read a pair in person :-)

www.cafepress.com/darrenator

6. Anon - July 18, 2006

Im sorry to rain on the parade, but this smells like a hoax to me. There is no Darren Sxxxxxx licensed to practice law in New York: http://portal.courts.state.ny.us/pls/portal30/INTERNETDB_dev.RPT_ATTY_REG_NEW.show_parms

This guy’s supposed voicemails screams “lawyer”, but the NY licensure rules dont bear it out.

7. AnotherAnon - July 18, 2006

Read it again, Darren never said he was a lawyer so of course he is not licensed to practice, just that he is going sue her.

8. Carol - July 22, 2006

And Darren Sherman of Regulatory Advisory Services clearly exists. See http://www.thestreet.com/markets/hedgefunds/10294765.html

9. SixFootJen - July 23, 2006

Darren is absolutely not a lawyer. Anyone who’s finished one semester of law school (and therefore taken Torts) knows that you can’t sue for breach of a social contract. They also know that it’s spelled “breach” and not “breech” as Darren has spelled it. HA!

10. scamon - July 23, 2006

Guys I’ve been reading this sordid saga over the past hour with growing amazement and schadenfreude - but when I got to this section I literally broke down and cried with laughter. You guys rock!
Now I’m off to buy myself a derrenator g-string :-)

11. A Lawyer - July 25, 2006

SixFootJen is obviously not a lawyer either. A breach of contract would be dealt with in the “Contracts” class not the “Torts” class.

12. BeingSingleSucks - August 7, 2006

This is a duplicate post from another page, but Darren does exist and he isn’t a lawyer, he’s an auditor (CPA type). I have his email, phone number, even a photo. See below…

Obviously I cannot speak as to how much of Joanne’s story is true BUT I can confirm that a creepy guy named Darren was on jdate with the screenname referenced on this site… how do I know this? Because he emailed me! And after just 1 or 2 emails he insisted we speak on the phone. Being overly cautious, I said I wasn’t comfortable with that and prefer to email a few times with someone before giving out my digits. He sent me his number, said he didn’t want to email anymore and I said should call if I want to continue our conversation. I decided he was rude and disrespectful and never responded, neither by phone or email. (my paranoia finally paid off!) but based on the interaction I had with our friend Darren, I’m inclined to think Joanne’s story is more truth than fiction. Man, I really dodged a bullet there.

And my parents wonder why I’m still single.