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Darren’s Encore Performance July 25, 2006

As promised, here is a final shout out from our homie Darren. There are actually a handful more voicemails out there, and some terrifically salacious tales, but we feel that this is the best one for us to wrap on. It’s classic Darrenator, just released, and we’re certain that you haven’t heard it before.

I’ll sue you silly, Joanne! The FBI! Roadrunner! The Justice Department!

Here’s what Darren will probably never understand. All the effort in the world from Joanne, Donald, the Gonzo Rangers, or the hundreds of other blogs out there who have carried this thing couldn’t have made him such an international celebrity. It’s so easy to post to the Intraweb these days that only the truly spectacular are selected by the masses from the constant din of information. There is only one man or woman in this whole saga who is exceptional enough to command such a presence, and his name is the Darrenator.

Peter, a publicist who runs PR Differently and has also been following the story, thinks that the lesson here is that “if you put it out there, either on a voice mail, email, fax, or the Internet, it WILL come back to bite you in the ass.”

We think the moral of the story is either “Don’t Be A Giant Fucking Douchebag” or “Always Carry Mace When Dating Online.” But, what do we know.

For us, the saga of Darrenhood might be headed off into the horizon, or more accurately, into the giant abyss of databases at Google, where it will always be instantly accessible with a search on “The Darrenator” or “JDate Stalkers.” Then again, there’s always the possibility that the Darrenator rolls onward with a frivolous lawsuit or another trumped up federal complaint — in which case, we’ll be right on top of it.

Throw down your farewell comments below, or send us mail.

Comments»

1. Anonymous - July 26, 2006

Joanne: on behalf of the entire male species of the planet, I apologize for Darren’s behavior. If we all acted like this no women would EVER date another male again,

2. Hank Meatwhistle - July 26, 2006

This is the best one yet.. Thanks GonzoRangers you guys are the best!

www.cafepress.com/darrenator

3. Dr. Adis Koch - July 26, 2006

buh bye D-Man, Buh-bye

4. Peter - July 26, 2006

Heh. :) Basically, “It’ll bite you in the ass” and “Don’t Be A Giant Fucking Douchebag” are more or less the same thing, just said a bit differently.

Well put, Chodeo. Well put. It’s been fun following this with you, no?

Have you heard the song? Someone created a song on myspace called “Do the Right Thing.” He emailed it to me - he sampled the Darrenator’s voice mails. Brilliant. www.myspace.com/dkraut

Here’s to thinking before you leave dumbass voice mails,

:)

-Peter

5. J.Morrison - July 26, 2006

If he sues Joanne, then we should start up a defense fund to pay her legal bills. This douchebag Darren has brought so much levity in my life recently that the only proper way to thank him would be to help see him go further down in flames.

6. Chodeo - July 26, 2006

Certainly, if the Darrenator attempts to sue anyone about this thing, we will definitely be involved in raising money for a legal defense.

But based on the info we’ve gathered, he doesn’t really have a case for any kind of a suit.

7. Dr. Adis Koch - July 26, 2006

Actually, Joanne may have a case agaist him. He is quoted in writing the daily news that it was all a hoax. Libelous, slanderous little douchebag…

8. Lil Sis - July 26, 2006

this shit be better than Bubb Rubb - where’s the soundboard? where’s the flash animations?

9. Hank Meatwhistle - July 27, 2006

The Soundboard is in production now..We will all be able to crank people with the great Darren Sherman soon enough.. Stay tuned..

10. David Kraut - July 28, 2006

Looks like the Daily News had a final shout-out to the song and the merchandise today (http://www.nydailynews.com/news/gossip/story/438756p-369637c.html). Thanks for posting, Chodeo!

11. Adolph Oliver Bush - July 28, 2006

yo gonzo man!

that cheap rag paper reporter is stealing your thunder and taking credit for all your hard work.

Issue him a summons bitch!

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/gossip/story/438756p-369637c.html

12. Chodeo - July 28, 2006

It’s just a bit lame, isn’t it? It just seems too convienient given that we just posted almost the same thing at Darrenator central on Monday. The lowdown also claims that the Darrenator has become a ‘hero’ since he wrote his report. Shit, dude, the Darrenator was ancient news by the time Lloyd got to it.

That’s it. We’re calling the FBI, the DOJ, roadrunner, the White House, and the United Fucking Nations. For just $15 we’re having a summons issued too.

Hopefully this hooks up your Merch sales, and David’s myspace downloads though. We like to share the Darrenator love, for sure.

13. Adolph Oliver Bush - July 28, 2006

I must confess I am not behind the clotheswear - that my friend is the responsibility of Hank Meatwhistle - with whom you are familiar.

I did buy a shirt though - and a whole crap load of people out here in Portland Oregon knew what it referred to.

DS can you say “I’m Nation wide”

The Central Scrutinizer

14. A-ron - July 29, 2006

I’m just going to play devil’s advocate for a moment. Brief, but I feel it needs to be done.

There was one phrase in Darren’s first voicemail that caught my attention. He said that during dinner, she agreed to go on a second date with him. And THAT is why he insisted on paying for dinner. And then she didn’t call for two and a half weeks. That’s too long in the “sure, I’ll go out again” timetable. Just doesn’t compute. So from that perspective alone, I understand his frustration and perhaps even the impulse to call and ask for the money. Now the fact of the matter is that any logical credibility he may have had was shattered when he just couldn’t get a grip and let go of $50 and call her a bitch to his friends and get over it.

And really, no one will ever really know if she agreed to go on a second date except for her and Darren. If she did, and then chose to go the “I’m just going to ignore him and hope he forgets about it” route, then shame on her. In that case she should have owned up and paid her part of dinner. But if she didn’t (and again, we’ll never know) then this guy is a class-a freak.

All I’m saying is, despite his excessive amout of undeniable freakishness, let’s not forget that it ALWAYS take two to tango.

15. Anonymous - July 29, 2006

Washington Post is runing this article: http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/07/26/AR2006072601279.html

I guess since they broke watergate, they can claim to breaking everything else without even doing a google search! Way to keep it real.

16. amy - July 29, 2006

In response to A-Ron………….bottom line she offered twice to pay the bill no matter what and he said no and i am sure he didnt say at the night in question i am only paying if you go out with me again i believe he assumed if he paid the bill she would. lets be real here the guy is a bit strange and has a warped way of thinking.you had to have realized that just listening to his messages

17. A-ron - July 30, 2006

To Amy…
The part we will never know is whether she agreed on that night to go on a second date with him. That’s the point in question which she has failed to acknowledge. Admittedly, if I went out with a girl and she told me that night that she wanted to go out again, I would totally pick up the tab. Granted, if it turned out she was lying, I wouldn’t send her a bill, but she and I would both know that she was dishonest. Again, this girl hasn’t spoken to this point, but he came out and said in his message to her that he paid because she had said they would go out again. She has neither confirmed nor denied. Someone shoud just come out and ask her. Becuase to me, that’s the crux of the issue. In all honesty.

Again, this does not preclude the fact that clearly this man needs to get a grip on reality. I am not defending him. By any means. But there are questions that she has not yet answered….

18. -courtney- - July 30, 2006

ummm, A-ron? why do her intentions for a second date have anything to do with who should pay for dinner? what would you be ‘investing’ in by paying for a woman’s dinner? is it like a down payment for potential sex? your argument sounds kind of prehistoric to me.

as far as i remember, in joanne’s emails she did say that she HAD intended to go out with him again, but she was out of town for awhile and upon getting back received his freakish emails and phone messages, and wisely thought better of that.

here’s joanne’s email to darren:
Darren,

I just received your emails and also your message from last night. I was away andam just getting back this morning. I had every intention of calling you andmeeting to go out but your email has completely turned me off and i find it extremely tacky. I will not be sending you any money
since i offered that night to pay and you told me no that you would take care of it.

A-ron: Is that acknowledgement enough?

19. A-ron - July 30, 2006

Courney -
No, of course paying the bill isn’t an investment for future payback. Personally, I actually tend to be of the dutch-all-the-way variety. Special occassions not withstanding. But, I can imagine the “Oh, well since you’ve said you’d like to go out again, I’ll pick up this one, perhaps you can get the next.” All in the name of fairness. That’s all.

The other point Joanne has failed to address is the 2 1/2 weeks that she didn’t communicate with Darren. Most girls will write off a guy who doesn’t call within 3 days without extenuating circumstances. Especially if he’s said he’d call, or that he wanted to go out again.

There is nothing proper about how Darren has handled his disappointment. Zero. All manhood should be ashamed of him. However…

I have a personal problem with the “I’ve decided I don’t want to see this man anymore, so I’m just going to stop calling.”-method. I find it cowardly. Clearly, given the 2 1/2 week silence, this is the tack that Joanne wanted to take. She certainly wasn’t expecting Darren’s freakishness. The whole drama could most likely have been avoided with some direct communication.

20. Anonymous - July 31, 2006

A-ron - Are you saying that you never ditched a chick by the classic method of cutting off all forms of communicaiton? If not, I think that you may actually be a woman posing as a man.

21. A-ron - July 31, 2006

Anonymous -
Yes, in the past I’ve just stopped calling. Not anymore. It was cowardly then, and it’s cowardly now. Why does being straightforward make me a woman posing as a man? Are you so small a man that you can’t fathom the idea of being a stand-up guy? Actually makes me feel more masculine to be upfront and honest.

I hope that if you continue to end relations with women by tucking tail and running that one day it doesn’t come back and bite you they way Joanne has been attacked by Darren. Because even if we all know he’s wrong and a freak, she’s still had to deal with it.

22. James - July 31, 2006

The Daily News just fired Lloyd Grove, the guy who printed the Darren story.

23. Adolph Oliver Bush - July 31, 2006

Darren had the roadrunner pay Lloyd a visit at his desk….watch out Chodeo your next on his list.

24. Adolph Oliver Bush - July 31, 2006

I love the classic Darrenator oblique threats to the Post reporter!

I couldn’t find Joanne, but I did find Darren, and called him. Instantly, he tried to clear the matter right up by informing me that he knows many important people at The Washington Post who would be extremely displeased to know that I was making him uncomfortable, if I got his drift. Did I want to “ruin those relationships?” He named three Post writers for whom he said he was something of a Deep Throat, a claim that was both fascinating and false. I checked. Two of the three had never heard of him. The third barely knew who he was.

fucking classic douchebaggery

25. spizzy - July 31, 2006

I know this guy….used to work at Protiviti with him. He’s real, people. This is no hoax. I feel bad for him…..but he did act very douchey

26. well wisher - July 31, 2006

please, oh please, tell us how we might locate his phone number…

27. Adolph Oliver Bush - August 1, 2006

you can’t hide in England Darren

http://www.metro.co.uk/weird/article.html?in_article_id=17974&in_page_id=2

28. The FBI who monitor the Internet (code name roadrunner) - August 1, 2006

To facilitate the issuance of summonses in this matter we will be establishing a website dedicated to all things Darren.

www.youatethefoodyoudrankthewine.com

Once operational, by clicking on the above link you will be registered in our global database of Darren abusers and can expect one of operatives to reach out and touch you with your own summons.

you will be contacted by another operative when the site is up.

29. Caboose - August 3, 2006

So why would we click the link if we get screwed for doing it? Hahahah

30. Anonymous - August 3, 2006

I clicked the link, I read the page.
I’m a mensch.

31. WineDrinka' - August 4, 2006

It ain’t personal…it’s only biss-sen-ness!

32. Anonymous - August 6, 2006

A-ron - here’s the thing. If you are having a great first meeting and a guy asks you about getting together again, you say yes and mean it. If you are having a so -so first meeting and he asks about a second date, it is too damn awkward to say no face to face and then wait 15 mins until the bill comes etc., and semi-reply that is clearly rejection in the making is also awkward. So usually a half-hearted “uh huh” with an insincere smile gets issued. I eat the food, I drink the wine, I offer to pay - and if I know I never want to see the guy again, I offer again. But you can’t throw money on the table and walk out, and most guys insist. If you go Dutch almost all the time, you are the exception among American men.

33. Roget - August 7, 2006

I was out htis weekend and overheard a couple of ladies chatting about a recent date one of them had.

“I was Shermaned” she said

HAHAHA!!!

34. Anonymous - August 9, 2006

Looks like Darren can’t even hide in Israel …

http://www.nrg.co.il/online/10/ART1/459/454.html

35. dan g. - August 10, 2006

looks like he can’t even hide in my penis! let’s take it to the max, shall we boys? Darren, I’m calling your mom.

36. Anonymous - August 11, 2006

The writer (Lloyd Grove) wasn’t fired.. who’s spreading that crap? Darren? Bwahaha….

http://pqasb.pqarchiver.com/nydailynews/results.html?st=advanced&QryTxt=&datetype=0&By=lloyd%20grove&Title=&num=25&lb=1
Pretty current stuff in his archives I’d say.

37. Stefanie - August 11, 2006

Let me get this straight guys- dating is not a business. Whether or not Joanne agreed to a second date (hey this is j-date she could have been dating other guys she liked better during this time!)- doesn’t matter… can you imagine everytime I go to lunch with my friends that when I pay and they say “I’ll get it next time”- I don’t sit there with my planner in hand! The same goes for weddings, baby showers, birthdays- I don’t buy people gifts because there is a promise of them paying me back for my birthday or whatever! Believe me there are plenty of people that I will never see the “quid pro quo” scenario.

Regardless, how about all of the times guys promise to call and don’t? What, should women start suing over that? Hey I fooled around with you and you never called? Darren clearly has a few screws loose. He also has a false sense of reality. DARREN WHAT IS REALITY TO YOU IN HOME OR BUSINESS???

Now, this scenario is funny because Darren’s threats amounted to nothing- she got the best of his bs (go Joanne!)- you threaten someone, and guess what you’de better be prepared to have someone strike back!

But again, Darren is a modern day stalker- I mean Darren what is the definition of harrassment to you? And by the way, we KNOW you have been checking these boards!

But if you ask someone out- if you are a gentleman- you pay- and not because you expect it to turn into something. So let’s pretend Joanne goes on a second date with this weirdo- chances are he would have done something at some point- the guy can’t be rejected!

Darren- you have become a legend- by your own behavior- take responsibility! You made the phone calls, you bluffed on your threats- be a mensh and accept responsibility for your creepy behavior!

38. A-ron - August 12, 2006

I think Stefanie hit it on the head. Darren’s first guffaw on the date was to ask if she wanted a second date right then and there. And an anonymous poster previously made a great point when saying that in that situation, what is someone going to do but mutter a vague approximation of, “uh, okay” if they aren’t sure? Granted, I’d love to live in a world where the other person would feel confident in saying, “You know what, I’m not sure yet. I’ll have to give you a ‘maybe’ on that. Give me some time to reflect on this evening and we’ll go from there.” Is that really too idealistic to ask for? That way the bill could be split with confidence. But again, that would only come into play if someone comes out somewhere in the middle of dinner and asks about a second date before the first one is concluded. Kinda like asking what you’re going to get for X-mas at your birthday party.

The only thing I have an issue with is the out-dated concept of “you asked, you pay” because the fact of the matter is that women RARELY ask a guy out. And in this day and age, it just doesn’t hold water that simply because the guy had the guts to ask in the first place, that he should be obligated to pay the whole tab. Now, if he chooses to do so, he certainly should not have any whacked out expectations like our friend Darren. It is not un-gentlemanly or un-ladylike to share the monetary cost of a possibly romantic evening of potential emotional investment.

39. Stefanie - August 12, 2006

A-ron…

Wait a second… what is dating? If I ask a friend out (who I haven’t seen in a long time)- to be honest, I pay. And same goes with them. So, yup I pay for my girlfriends as well.

What I will say about the paying issue- is that I will say that there is no hard fast rule about what is appropriate… but I will tell you what I expect. If a guy choses an expensive restaurant- sorry I do expect them to pay. The place would not be a place I would chose- and its over my budget- what should I say “Can we pick a less expensive place, because its not within my budget?”

But look, I am old fashioned and I do believe the guys should pick up the tab- at least the first few dates- after a few dates- I would absolutely take them out! And remember, Darren had a (seemingly) high paying job- I read that Joanne was a secretary- so, come on he can afford the $120. But in this day and age- with blind dates- most girls I know do NOT want to go to an expensive dinner on a first internet date- because if the guy is TOTALLY weird- they are stuck with them- and if you KNOW you don’t want to see them again, then some of us actually feel bad!

Trust me on this one, I do feel its not right to ask a woman to pay her half- then what is dating??? I don’t ask guys to pay “half” of every time I buy condoms, the birth control pill or anytime I have to go to the gyno to get a prescription. I also have a lot more to buy in terms of makeup, clothes, hair, nails, etc. than a guy does. The grooming expectations for women are much higher than they are for men. -And much costlier. And yet I’ve been in the business world for quite some time- and I still don’t always see women as getting the same pay as men do.

It gets “gray” here. What if Joanne had a been a single mom of two kids- and Darren was a bachelor. That $50 is different for her than it is for him.

Sorry, but dating is not “you and I split everything” agenda- nothing is 50/50. And anyone who feels that way about stuff- can you imagine the sex life- 50% of the time, he gets to have the orgasm, 50% of the time she does… uh, not! If that’s the case- then I want to lower the expectations of all of the grooming- and I expect guys to start coming with payment upfront for all of the birth control… :)

40. Josh Huffman - August 12, 2006

Here is the picture of the MAN himself. Once you see this picture I feel less sorry for Joanne and more question her taste. This pic screams child predator, lol.

http://drama-duchess.blogspot.com/2006/07/looking-for-love-in-all-wrong-places.html

41. Josh Huffman - August 13, 2006

Found this tidbit as well. Someone should notify Joanne!

http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=100972324

42. Landon B. - August 15, 2006

How about this shirt? LOL. I’m gonna get myself one for my next date.

http://www.queerrepublictees.com/products.php?pid=60

43. Johnny Studebaker - August 17, 2006

I Heard Darren was mentioned on Opie and Anthony the other day?? Anyone catch it??

44. Kristen - August 17, 2006

He definitely is on his way to being nationwide…a popular morning show down here in South Florida was going off on him today. I am keeping an eye out on the TV morning shows (Today, GMA, etc.) because you know they have to be salivating on being the first ones to track down the Darrenator and interview him. If anyone hears of any Darren appearances, PLEASE post immediately, if not sooner. My girlfriends and I who’ve all had bad Internet dating experiences at one time or another are just rolling over this!

And Landon, I’m with you - the shirt is a must have.

45. Roadrunner - August 17, 2006

Now he’s made the London Times

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,7-2305582,00.html

I hear the soundboard is nearing completion……

46. Topaz - August 18, 2006

A-ron, I respect what you are saying. However, the facts are 1) Darren chose the expensive restaurant, not Joanne. 2) Darren twice refused Joanne’s offers to pay. 3) I doubt Darren made it clear he was only picking up the tab in order to make a good impression on someone he believed he would see again.

A-ron, I know some women are dishonest and try to wrangle fancy meals from wealthy men, but a woman who twice offers to pay and is refused certainly doesn’t sound like one of them.

I for one, ALWAYS offer to pay on a first date, but I won’t make a scene over it if they refuse (twice!). In no way does that make me feel obligated to see them again. Even if I’ve said I will, other circumstances, e-mails, or phone conversations might change my mind about going on a second date.

47. mira - September 15, 2006

I am so fed up with jdate that I made this tribute to it.
Enjoy!
http://www.cafepress.com/mirabedira

48. jenny - September 21, 2006

The China Grill’s got have gotten some business out of all this free publicity!!! Here’s the link to their site and menu. I’m betting that Joanne had the Confucious chicken salad. She definitely wised up enough not to go back out with this creep!!! http://www.chinagrillmgt.com/chinaNY/main.cfm

49. Dar - October 22, 2006

Hi Joanne, Darren here. Listen, since you won’t respond to my emails I thought I’d post here. I know I should have spent that $50 on a tranny in the Port Authority bathrooms, but hey what can you do? So this is my final offer: give me a handjob in the backseat of my Lexus and all will be forgiven. Hugs,

Dar

50. Valintino - March 30, 2007

Hello, Your site is great. Regards, Valintino Guxxi

51. Adam - September 4, 2007

It’s funny, because it’s like he has a one-way relationship with this girl. He argues with her as if they are together, even though she completely denied him long ago. He’s stuck in his own little world. He’s obsessed with her! He wants her to come back to him, but he doesn’t know how… and that’s just the thing. There is no way. Sad, but pretty frikin’ hilarious.