Baggin’ Balls Bigtime August 10, 2006
Long gone are the days of chugging shoulder tapped Boone’s Farm Wine and huffing Glade while the DT (Designated Thinker to you) wheeled the golf cart around the clubhouse pool at 3:00 AM. These days we Rangers have all moved on to more mature and socailly acceptable habits of sharing joints and mohitos as we gather round the sushi boat on the lanai of our suburban split ranches. Although we aren’t parents yet, we always look forward to feilding the call from the fuzz at 2:00 AM “Mr. Funk, we need you to come pick up your daughter from the station house. We caught her upper decking Mrs. SoandSo’s master bathroom toilet.” Yes, very soon, we’ll be teaching the next generation of gonzos the meticulous technique required to perform the daring “”drydock” without getting caught.
We do realize that getting older and stumbling upon more responsibilities will also have its down side though. For example, imagine getting this phone call at 2:00 AM “Mr. Funk, this is Dr. Hibert down at the hospital. It seems your son has been checked into our care and we are currently treating him for a rather severe case of bagging.” Wha??? Did he just say what we thought he said. Seriously, we got a little carried away with some drunken pranks in college, true, but hospitalized for bagging?
And then we realize that we are totally out of touch with teen culture. It seems that “bagging” is very different from the “tea bagging” that we know so well (and the one comes up in the top 5 when one searches google for “bagging”). Although we were known to huff glade and other inhalants and previous generations sniffed glue and gasoline, today’s youth puts mothballs in a bag and inhales for ten minutes or so in order to get high. It’s called, you guessed it, bagging. And it can send you to the hospital lickety-split, no shit.
While it would be crazy of us to judge anyone else’s attempt to get high, for any reasons, we feel it is our duty to educate the teens of America on picking out good names for their practices, and “bagging” is near the bottom of the list. We can just see it now- “Hey guys, let’s go bag!” That’s just way too close to “Hey guys, anyone want to dunk thier balls in my mouth?” And this, we just cannot allow. Unless it’s a tea party.
So we need your help. Post a comment with your best shot at a replacement name for “bagging”. The winner will be decided upon by the GR and will be picked based on originality, creativity and however we happen to feel on the day that we make our decision. The winner will also receive a free tea bagging and dry docking.
- Posted in : Misc
- Author : G-Funk