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Vintage Blogosphere: Wonkette and the Washingtonienne September 1, 2006

Wonkette and the WashingtonienneThe Wonkette-Washingtonienne Capital Hill sex scandal from 2004 is so totally over, it’s not even funny. But we’re thinking there might be a few more miles left in this dead horse, perhaps an even more scandalous facet that remains undiscovered.

Ana Marie Cox could possibly have been the most entertaining blogger on the planet. Sadly though, the original Wonkette, renowned for sly humor and ass-fucking jokes, left the blogosphere for a much more legitimate gig as the Washington Bureau editor for Time magazine. Since having no soul or integrity are essential characteristics of great writers, we can hardly be mad about the move, we’re just more sad than anything else. Reading Ana in Time is like hanging out playing Parcheesi with an old frat buddy who is now sober with children. It sucks.

This is how we found ourselves digging through archival Wonkette entries from Cox’s piece de resistance: outing Jessica “Washingtonienne” Cutler.

The Washingtonienne blog was 2 weeks worth of Cutler’s sexcapades as a staffer on capitol hill including intimate details of a liaison with a top ranking White House official who was into hair pulling, spanking and giving the Washingtonienne large sums of cash. (This shit is what the Internet was meant for, respect.) Wonkette was the first to pick her up, exploding both bloggers into national prominence. Cutler was awarded a huge book deal and later a giant lawsuit from one of her johns; Cox has since left Wonkette and published a book of her own before landing the gig at Time magazine where she will never again be able to write a joke about ass-fucking.

It’s still fun to reminisce about the glory days though, which is exactly what we found ourselves doing today, when slowly, it dawned on us that there is more to this saga that has yet to be reported, perhaps something even steamier than what’s already out there.

Wonkette and the WashingtonienneCox’s coverage of the Washingtonienne saga begins with this intense fan-boy like fascination with Cutler and spans multiple posts per day as the story unfolds. (For reals, though, it’s classically good shit. Go read it.) Then suddenly, like Kaiser Soze, it’s gone. Cutler vanishes from the pages of Wonkette. She comes back eventually, but sporadically and Cox is a bit less effusive in her treatment of the subject. Perhaps the story just got old? Not so, we’re thinking.

Check out this Sunday morning Wonkette post about an evening where the two end up meeting in person. It that begins with drinks at the Four Seasons and ends with Mr. Wonkette making the two of them scrambled eggs.

Cutler described the evening in this Gothamist interview:

We met at the Four Seasons for “a drink.” But you know how us girls love to talk, so we were there for a few hours. Ana was like, “You know what would be funny? If we took some pictures that look like we’re making out.” And I agreed, “Yes, that would totally take the edge off!” We needed to get drunker, so we went to Blue Gin in Georgetown and we got some random dudes to take the photos. I was a mess, so Ana took me to her house. I barfed in the cab, and in the extra bedroom that she works out of, but she was nice about it. That was the only time we ever hung out, and we don’t speak to each other anymore. I can tell you why when we’re off the record sometime. It’s a very funny story!

This is a woman who is willing to blog about being a coke whore and having anal sex with prominent republicans, yet whatever happened with Wonkette is just too taboo to talk about on record. Never in our lives have we wanted in on a secret more than this fucking moment. We could speculate, but shit, why limit ourselves: whatever happened that night is certainly unimaginably salacious. How in the world did everyone else miss this essential component of the story?

We’ve emailed Cutler, hoping to get the scoop. That’s probably a dead end, but we’re hoping our well tested method of sitting around and waiting for someone to email us the answer will work again for us yet again. Can someone hook us up? You know the drill: chodeo@gonzorangers.com.

One more comment, preemptively aimed at the snarky individuals still coming here from the national review online: Yes, this entry is essentially about the private lives of bloggers who blog about the private lives of real people, which probably makes our blog some kind of lowest form of Internet bottom feeders. So fucking what. You just read the whole thing; post some comments and wallow in the muck with us.

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