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X Games Wrap January 31, 2006

We totally know that there is still one night left of Winter X. However, we don’t know very much about skiing or snowcross, and unlike Matt Drudge, we like to stick to covering topics we understand. Anyway, here’s our take on the games:

Chad Otterstrom, just one day before being smote by Jesus

  • Bow down — after Jesus team member Luke Wynen came one spot shy of qualifying for the men’s superpipe final, Jesus himself stepped in and smote Chad Otterstrom, allowing Wynen to slide into the final at the last minute. We are kind of pissed at Jesus about this because we really like Ott, and Wynen’s 1080 is weak and squirrelly looking. Just kidding. We know Jesus reads the Intraweb and we don’t want him to get angry at us. Smite away, homeboy!!
  • Travis Rice, y’all. Enough said.
  • We’ll admit that Kelly Clark looked pretty badass, at least when she was on the move. But why for the love of God with the damned out of key warbling every time she drops in! Simon Cowell: “not to be rude, but that has got to be the worst performance we’ve ever heard in this competition.”
  • Torah Bright is on the up and up with sparkly goggles ta boot. We can’t wait to see how she rolls with Bleiler and Teter in the mix at the Olympics.
  • Speaking of Torino… rumors abounded that Shaun White and Antti Autti had 1260s in the works, but they didn’t materialize this weekend. We are giddy with anticipation, three and a half times over.
  • Mason Aguirre: Stay away from my sister, dude.Senior Blanco, who won double gold this year and four peated in the slopestyle, definitely gets our respect. Even if he is the New York Yankees of snowboarding, backside 10s ain’t nuttin ta fuck wit. Props to Mason Aguirre and Scotty Lago, too.
  • Last year, back to back 1080s were the new hotness. This year, it was all about sitting out of the X games to nurse minor injuries and prepare for the Olympics. We still love Andy Finch, though.
  • Janna Meyen — yup. But no love from ESPN… you had to be in Aspen if you wanted to see anything but clips of the women’s slopestyle. Good thing Tara Dakides didn’t make the final or we would have had some choice words for the Extra Special Party Network.
  • While we’re at it with ESPN — what’s up with the crappy advertising all weekend? We’re too old to join the Navy, be above the influence, or drink Mountain Dew MDX unless someone puts vodka in it. And that goddamn Francesco commercial makes us want to STOP using edge gel. Someday soon, the ad wizards are going to realize that the snowboard demographic is getting older than age 15. Maybe then we’ll finally get the commercial we’ve been waiting to see… picture this:
  • The Coors Light party train comes rolling into Buttermilk… Gretchen Bleiler hucks a huge crippler in the pipe while Travis Rice dishes a 1080 double rodeo over it. Crazy Train is blasting on the stereo and it’s suddenly the biggest party in X-games history… beer flows like spring water, Carrie White and Molly Aguirre are rocking bikinis, and jewish rider Mike Goldschmidt is high fiving Luke Wynen… Jeff Brushi, Terje, and Craig Kelly are all there to represent, and it is dumping everywhere except for directly on the pipe and slopestyle course, with 32 and sunny in the forecast.

    Hell yeah, that would be a tight advert. Anyway, the Final Verdict on Winter X 10? Gladiators, we salute you. See you in Torino.

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