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NBC decks out during Men’s Halfpipe February 13, 2006

Top Ten Things We Would Rather Watch Than Olympic Men’s Halfpipe*:

5) Sappy videos featuring a shirtless 5 year old Shaun White and stories about Mrs. White burning burritos in a hotel.
4) Ancient Relic and Ex-Olympian Michelle Kwan at a press conference.
3) Bode Miller mumfording.
2) Bob Costas asking Shaun White if he is going to get laid in the Olympic Village.
1) Nifty short track speed skating. (Dude, it’s almost as fun as watching your kid brothers race car set! Around and around they go!!! Yay!!!)

*Or, at least that’s what NBC figures we’d rather be seeing. Was it just us, or did yesterday’s coverage totally blow? In addition to all the crap we had to fast-forward through in order to get to the snowboarding part of the broadcast, there was quite a bit lacking.

Like, how did they totally 86 the German athletes from the contest? What happened on Andy Finch’s second run in the final? Wasn’t there a Canadian rider who made the final? Why didn’t they put Molly Aguirre and Carrie White on the TV more?

The answers are pretty obvious to us: NBC has a deep and festering hatred for Germans and Canadians, NBC is gay, and Pat Parnell was so drunk that he was vomiting during Finch’s second run and so they couldn’t show it on TV. Parnell’s drunkenness also explains how, not once but twice, he made the claim that Antti Autti was the only athlete present to have beaten White before. White finished THIRD behind Autti AND Andy Finch in the 2005 X-games.

Kass:  Air-to-fakie en route to Olympic SilverNBC did do a few things right. First, they at least had the temerity to show both of Mathieu Crepel’s qualifiers, where he landed 1260s. (Not that you would have known that was a big deal, due to Parnell’s extreme drunkenness.) They did hook up the coverage in HD. NBC also showed more of the qualifier than we were expecting, though this was probably because of the nail biter White endured after decking out on his first run. Finally, we got to see Antti Autti choke, and also saw both of Danny Kass and Mason Aguirre’s runs. Danny Kass is a snowboard machine, and props to Mason. (Though, we are thinking that Mason’s silver medal winning run from this year’s X-games might have been good enough to defeat Shaun White’s winning run at the Olympics. Damn, you, 2 run format.)

Still, we are forced to conclude that in 2010, we will be much more excited about the X-games than the Olympics. Seeing the coverage of the event live, in totality, and uninterrupted by a sputtering Michelle Kwan is just so much better than what NBC delivered. Plus, the X-games format, with a 3 run final, is way better than the 2 run format with the quirky 6-12 qualifying scheme the IOC prefers. Fucking skiers.

Even still, we’ll admit that we will be parked in front of the TV tonight for the women’s halfpipe coverage. We won’t spoil it for you here but if you venture into Cyberspace you can get the results for that contest — and it was a bit of a shocker.

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