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Where have all the rangers gone? May 23, 2006

We have to admit that we haven’t been knocking out posts as fast as we’d like. Why have we been so slack you ask? Simple………we like to gamble, booze it up, and we’re lazy.

We have been to Vegas, caught the Yeah Yeah Yeahs, and been in depression with the slow recession of Winter. Does this mean that our future posts will become sporadic? We hope not but the true reason why we have slacked is that we busy as Opera’s chef at work. We promise to get on the ball as soon as the man stops putting us down.

Another reason why network TV sucks April 6, 2006

NBC already sucks a big one in my book for their horrible Olympic coverage and sloppy conversion of the hit BBC show The Office. Well now they have even taken another new low with their lame ass show Dateline. What did they do? Well, since NASCAR did not give them an extension on their contract to broadcast the races, NBC decided to let their muckraking Dateline cronies have a shot at them to do an unflattering piece on the fans who go to the races.

NASCAR historically attracts lower class white males as the majority of its fan base due to the origins of the sport which traces its roots back to moonshine runners in the south. The governing body of has proactive programs in place to encourage and foster the training of new drivers from other ethnic backgrounds as well as females who would like to be a part of racing. NASCAR is moving away from the southern roots and moving into the mainstream in an effort to appeal to all Americans. They now even hold a sanctioned race in Mexico City once a year.

So what has the TAINTS at NBC and especially Dateline try to do? Well, they (being the stereotyping mongers they themselves would like to expose for ratings) dressed up fake Muslims and paraded them around the Martinsville Speedway in Virginia last weekend in an effort to bait fans into confrontations. Confrontations that they could catch on tape and show the world for ratings and guess what happened…….

Nothing…….the fans, left them alone.

You suck NBC, go cover some shark attacks or do an expose on why Bob Costas is a critical sports commentator who never played a sport at the college level.


Update:  Apparently, Dateline had actors dressed up as Muslims stop traffic and begin praying towards Mecca on crowded pedestrian walkways in order to incite conflict.  Of course…NOTHING happened….way to go NASCAR fans…

A Gapers Guide for Dummies March 20, 2006

Flock of GapersThe reason why most of us have insurance is to protect against unexpectedmisfortune. Unfortunately, there is no insurance to protect us from interacting with the dreaded gaper. Here are a couple instances that we can review that will mitigate your exposure and reduce chaffing thanks to our pal the gaper.

Yappy Gaper on the Lift - Just like catching a cold, you can try to avoid them all you want but sometimes your luck runs our and you get stuck next to a Yappy Gaper on a the lift. The gaper misses all obvious queues such as loud music blearing from headphones that screams simply leave me alone and motions to you that they have something profound to say. Once you have fallen prey for this tactic your options are simple: Jump off the lift mid-air and flee, turn your music back on and ignore them (which may be foiled when they tap your arm again), tell them to shut the hell up, or partake in their lame verbal dribble. Rangers are squirrelly and resourceful riders which make all of those options feasible excluding the latter. So in case you are stuck in midst of lame conversation, reduce you interaction by asking the gaper a question which will get them talking about themselves for a painfully long time. Something like, “wow, you sure do have quite a collection of lift tickets, where did you get them and why don’t you remove them.”

Aggressive Frat Gaper in Lift Line - Not all fratties are lame, just the ones who sport frat gear and let you and the world know it. In a recent interaction with one of these gapers, Aggressive Frat Gaper became a little too cagey with a fellow rider. The rider was rocking out to The Bravery when Aggressive Frat Gaper began trash talking because 1) He thought the rider could not hear him, and 2) the rider deftly cut in front of him due the lifty being awol. In that situation you can not let anyone of your crew get bested by a gaper, even if your boy is in the wrong. The solution that works best is to turn to Aggressive Frat Gaper and ask him, “hey are you a ?” he’ll perk up and say “ why yes, I am a from (some lame college or university), are you a ?” Now is when you gain mad steez and say with a straight face say “No.” and turn around as if the conversation never happened. He’ll look stupid and you successfully defended your boy who is still blazing The Bravery and has no clue what transpired.

Single Gaper

These are just two techniques for dealing with gapers but there are many more out there….. you got one you would like to share with your fellow riders, post it in the comments section.