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Focus on Facism, Y’all June 26, 2006

We received a report today from Gfunk, a ranger correspondant who has the incredible tenacity to read Citizen magazineFocus on Family’s monthly publication and excrement recepticale.  James Dobson sucks so much that we would rather spend the month stuck in a giant Mikey Mouse costume, outdoors in 99 degree, 100% humidity Orlando weather, being repeatedly punched in the balls by 10 year olds than have to read the neadertahlic drivel they churn up.  We don’t know how he does it, but here’s Gfunk’s take:

If you want a real eye opener to the agenda of the most dangerous organization in the country, check out Citizen Magazine, the official publication of Focus on the Family.  It’s amazing how many articles these lunatics write about the horrors of cloning and scientific research when they are in the business of making an army of religious clones themselves.  In an attempt to make Zach dela Rocha proud and to know my enemy, I try to suffer through the magazine every time it hits my mailbox (I won’t go into why I get it in the first place).

Recently I came upon a commentary written by an outraged Matt Kauffman, in which he describes the “forces of political correctness” conquering the battlefront of nursery rhymes.  It seems that in Britain, several schools have opted to change the words of the nursery rhyme Baa-Baa Black Sheep to Baa-Baa Rainbow Sheep.  This switch came about in an effort to avoid singling out any one on account of their “race, gender, or anything else.”

Look, people should be able to say whatever they want, fine.  But let’s not bullshit about it.  Matt Kauffman is pissed because he thinks that the term black sheep either doesn’t single out anyone, or isn’t offensive.  Yeah, and the Stars and Bars is all about heritage.  Call me what you want, but I am definitely a touchy feely hippie type that wants people to feel good about themselves, and I think that’s a good thing.  Why not err towards feeling good.  Does the word “black” in this nursery rhyme matter that much to you Matt?

Actually, Mr. Kauffman explains his position as a defense of reality.

A staffer at one of them notes that singing about black and white sheep encourages tots to “look around them” and notice “reality.” 

Notice reality while you can, kids. Some day, if the PC forces have their way, it may not be allowed.

Ah yes, reality.  Got it.  Say Matt, perhaps if you ever find yourself lost in the PC world, you’ll be able to find a talking black sheep to help you find your way back to reality.

Oh snap.  Actually, now that Gfunk mentions it, we remember why Matt Kauffman is so out of touch with reality right now.  It’s because we dosed him with Ketamine recently on a secret ninja mission to the FoF headquarters deep in the heart of Jesusland.  We upperdecked his toilet too, for good measure. 

Got issues?  That’s what our comments are for, or email us at [email protected].


1. Oliver - July 1, 2006

Um, doesn’t making a big issue over the need to change the colour of the sheep artificially racialise its context?

It’s a song about a black sheep who’s generous with her wool, not a ditty about ethnic minority. Sure, you could make it any colour you wanted, but there are black sheep, and that’s how the song goes, so why change it?

I don’t foam at the mouth over this stuff, but it does bug me that someone should imply that something utterly innocent masks an attempt to denigrate people on the basis of their ethnicity, and my surprise at their desire to change it speaks of latent racism on my part.

Surely it would be better to let it stand as one of the few examples of folk literature in which something black is productive and good-natured.

2. Anonymous - July 1, 2006

where did ds go?!?

3. Anonymous - July 1, 2006

The story is a well-known hoax. Which makes you both idiots!!!

4. Oliver - July 2, 2006


I might have fallen for a hoax, but chodeo, gfunk and the lovely Mr Kauffman all responded to the story too.

You can’t count. Idiot.

5. that one guy - July 4, 2006

this is stupid.