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This is No Hoax July 12, 2006

The research team at Gonzo Rangers has come through:  by using aggressive journalistic techniques and working tirelessly all night and day this week, we’ve finally tracked down Joanne.  Actually, by “working tirelessly” we mean that we sat on our asses and waited for email, and by “aggressive journalistic techniques”, we mean we followed up on an anonymous tip from someone who gave us her contact info.  (Thanks Mr. Tipster, you know who you are.) 

Anyway, onto the point.  This is no freaking joke.  A Gonzo Rangers operative got in touch with Joanne last night via email and spoke with her on the phone today regarding her Darrenator ordeal.  We’re 110% convinced that this is no hoax.  In spite of any similarities to the unconfirmed entry on Snopes, this is the real deal.  The only “viral marketing” going on here is that the Darrenator is like a loathsome virus, or a virtual marketplace riddled with sketchy stalker services. 

Obviously, we aren’t going to post any of Joanne’s info, she has been through quite enough, and in addition, she was very nice to us on the phone.  Certainly though, there’s more to the story than we’ve even posted. 

Big Daddy Darren DID contact her employer (not a big deal, she says, but it could have been), and additionally, placed multiple phone calls to the police to complain about her; we even got to hear a voicemail the 19th precinct of the NYPD left her. 

Joanne, by the way, is pronounced “Jo-Anne”, not “Joan” as the phonetically challenged Darrenator thinks, and she was more than happy to confirm that she did receive the original five voicemails the from Darrenator himself.  Fearing for her safety (shit, we don’t blame her) she started saving them, and after sharing them with a friend or two, they got out as an email chain, spread like wildfire, and eventually landed in our inbox and a place in immortality on the Internet.

Now that we know for certain that he is a real human, we’ve decided to remove his last name from the site.  We’ve been planning to do so as soon as he asked us, but surprisingly he still hasn’t done so.  Most reasonable men would have sailed on that ship already, but the Darrenator is enigmatic and not like many other men — he prefers to communicate via pseudonym and negotiate exclusively with threatening language.  Here’s a case in point:  a reader claims to have seen this email, sent to an acquiantance of Joanne’s:

From: Darren [mailto:[email protected]]
Sent: Wednesday, June 21, 2006 2:00 PM
To: Donald B
Subject: Re:

i let it go.

if anything should appear on the web, you and Joanne can expect a lawsuit.

i have let it go. you should do the same.

Everyone is shaking in their boots, Big Daddy D. 

Post your comments, thoughts, or legal complaints from “I Can’t Believe It’s Not A Law Firm” below. 


1. KG - July 13, 2006

Looking at those pics, all I can say is:

Big Daddy Darren is too sexy for my cat, too sexy for my cat,
What you think about that!

2. Adolph Oliver Bush - July 13, 2006

Darren’s evil doppleganger.

Denouncing the new ban, inmate Darren S. told the AP how his box of porn helps him momentarily escape his miserable existence as a convicted murderer …
www.thestranger.com/seattle/Content?oid=18716 - 25k

3. Hank Meatwhistle - July 14, 2006

Please help Joanne and contribute to her legal defense fund by buying some of these great wears on CafePress. Don’t forget the classic - “You ate the Food, You drank the Wine” “Be a Mensch”, and “Do the Right Thing”.


4. Johnny Studebaker - July 14, 2006

I Just bought one. What a deal!

5. Stumpy - July 15, 2006

Wow, this whole thing was enthralling. I heard the voice-mails on some random site and Googled until I find your full coverage. Darren must have no social skills whatsoever. Reminds me of S. Sachdeva in his creepy stalkertude.

6. Anonymous - July 15, 2006

Now there’s a section on this site called “darrenator central”. This website certainly appears to be harassing and stalking Darren.



7. Anonymous - July 16, 2006

I find it funny that A) he has 2 friends in his Myspace account and B) he doesn’t have any friends to take pictures of him; he just takes creepy pictures of himself on a bed.

8. Danny - July 17, 2006

There goes one of the six million rabid jews making the two good ones look bad again….

9. Danny - July 20, 2006

Wait, strike my last comment, reverse it. Sorry. Didn’t mean to sound like a complete ass…

10. pf - August 4, 2006


11. BeingSingleSucks - August 7, 2006

Obviously I cannot speak as to how much of Joanne’s story is true BUT I can confirm that a creepy guy named Darren was on jdate with the screenname referenced on this site… how do I know this? Because he emailed me! And after just 1 or 2 emails he insisted we speak on the phone. Being overly cautious, I said I wasn’t comfortable with that and prefer to email a few times with someone before giving out my digits. He sent me his number, said he didn’t want to email anymore and I said should call if I want to continue our conversation. I decided he was rude and disresepctful and never responded, neither by phone or email. (my paranoia finally paid off!) but based on the interaction I had with our friend Darren, I’m inclined to think Joanne’s story is more truth than fiction. Man, I really dodged a bullet there.

And my parents winder I’m still single.

12. jacob - October 22, 2006

Actually, Darren has helped me out on Jdate. I was talking to this girl and she was bitching about the creeps on jdate. I sent her a link to this page and then we bonded while amking dun of Darren. Now she wants to meet. Thank you Darren. Looser