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Get Ready to Purify our Rundwons, Bitches Part II July 17, 2006

As promised, we did some serious recon at a Scientology outpost to find out the real deal about these guys.  And here’s the real deal: Scientology is a waste of time and money.  Have you had your thetans checked?  Don't blow this Gill!The dude working there (we’ll call him Gill, after his resemblance to the struggling salesman of Simpsons fame) was perfectly nice to us.  However, his answers never strayed from the vague talking points that enable these guys to attract impressionable minds.  To Gill’s credit, he sincerely believed what he was saying.  Questioning the validity of what he was proclaiming propably never occurs to Gill.  And like his Simpsons namesake, we just felt bad for the real life Gill.  

Gill pointed out the timeline of lectures over the years by L. Ron Hubbard.  Topics included history, astronomy, and medicine.  We asked Gill how someone like Hubbard (a layperson in every field, except Scientology) could have been an expert in all these fields.  He repeated the word “curious” in his explanation, as in “he was curious about eastern philosophies and traveled to the Orient” or “he was curious about engineering and earned a degree at a college here” or “he was curious about anthropology and traveled to South America.”L. Ron enjoys life on the high seas, while Gill tries to hook new fish. 

We asked to get the “purification rundwon”, and were told that 1) it’s purification “rundown” (supposedly named by L. Ron himself after the baseball play) and 2) there wasn’t anybody certified to give it when we visited.  GR’s know a bait and switch when we see one, so when we saw books and lectures about Dianetics, we had a good idea what these guys are about… the Benjamins.  And by their own reports, Scientologists rake in some serious dough. 

The Philly location alone reported taking in over $400,000 in donations, including denominations of thousands and tens of thousands of dollars.  Scientology gained tax-exempt status after a bizarre and long-lasting dispute with the IRS.  (Check out this NYT article detailing their aggressive techniques.  Our favorite?  “Scientology’s lawyers hired private investigators to dig into the private lives of IRS officials and to conduct surveillance operations to uncover potential vulnerabilities, according to interviews and documents.) Rangers are no fans of taxes, but shouldn’t some organization that merely offers buzzwords (and nonsense) about the human condition contribute something to the country that allowed it to become what it is?  European countries are much more restrictive and critical of these guys (some of them even boycott Travolta or Cruise movies). 

America has allowed Scientology to develop into such a large and well-funded group, and they pay nothing in taxes.  Shouldn’t they pay a little to keep our streets paved?  We thought so, too. 


1. The zombie John Lennon - July 20, 2006

check out all the dirt on this psychic pain pill for the hollow elite.


2. Anonymous - July 20, 2006

Whoah! That is scary!!!!