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The Great Alaskan Invasion April 1, 2007

Reportedly, Alaska is the best place in the world to snowboard. The GR is here to find out; we’ll spend the next 8 days riding Alyeska resort, pumping up in helis, dancing, and drinking beer in the sprawling non-metropolis of Girdwood, AK. Here’s what we’ve learned after 24 hours:

- The front page of the Anchorage Daily, on this particular day, asks the following questions:

  • Did a favored Ititarod musher cruelly beat one of his dogs?
  • Will barges filled with oil spill in the Prince William sound? (Ed. note: Oil is sweet.)
  • Should helicopters be authorized to shoot wolves? Planes? And if so, should they continue to receive the standard $150 bounty per wolf?

    • - Everyone in Girdwood smokes rolled cigarettes, and some locals wear spikes of metal on their shoulders. Fire up that Parliment, gaper!

    - In every great small town, there is a greater town drunk. In Girdwood, his name is Pando, and he gets very upset if the jukebox at the Chair 5 bar stops playing music. He’s seen Jane’s Addiction 13 times, and claims that Perry Farell once pulled a tampon out of his ass during a concert: “For protection!”. We believe him!

    - At the resort, there is a Christmas chute but no Hanukah or Kwanza chutes. The New Year’s chute is sublime and wonderful until you are in the icy narrow part. At that point, you believe in any God that will hear your prayer.

    - As of press time, there are many aspiring women ski racers working out in the hallway just outside our door, drilling with jump ropes and ladders placed across the floor. They haven’t had as much to drink as we have. Olympian Bode Miller is also in this hotel, or in a nearby bar, preparing for the U.S. Alpine Championships. We imagine that at this moment, he’s rocking out to this Iggy Pop lyric: “I am the world’s forgotten boy/The one who searches, searches to destroy”

    Should you post comments? Yep, unless you wish us to be buried underneath an avalanche.

    Comments»

    1. Tenacious B - April 1, 2007

    Hook us up with an update of two ratios:

    1. Total vert/per run (denote cat vs heli)
    2. Total vert/per dollar spent

    2. Tenacious B - April 1, 2007

    One more thing, please kick Bode in the nuts for me and all other Americans!

    3. Jess - April 1, 2007

    Great to see you guys are having fun and having a religious experience! The mountain face looks insane. Can’t wait to hear about the heli!

    4. danielle - April 2, 2007

    The pics are awesome! Girdwood sounds ridonkulous.

    5. Jeannie - April 2, 2007

    Sounds like a great start to your trip, can’t wait to hear more.

    6. Dim Shady - April 3, 2007

    Lucky Bastards!

    7. Dim Shady - April 3, 2007

    Also, I require a picture of Pando in full drunk mode…thanks.