jump to navigation

Loser April 19, 2007

Listen: Kurt Vonnegut, the greatest philosopher in all of American history, might have had some important things to say about this week’s current events, had he stuck around on earth for another handful of days. We’re thinking that he might have laid the entire Virginia Tech tragedy out in simple, truthful, and re-assuring terms: Cho Seung-Hui was a failed human machine, with crossed wires and fried circuitry, who was living a misfortunate and lonely life on a planet where it was just as easy to go pick up a Glock 9 mm as it was to buy an apple scented candle…

He might have been able to address the situation in a meaningful way that would have allowed us to understand the situation while engendering exactly the right amount of sympathy for it’s originator.

Tiny Little Grundle-WartWe, on the other hand, are bored to tears with the attempts to sympathize and explain. To us, it’s this simple: Cho Seung-Hui was a fucking loser. A douchebag. A repressed cock gobbler not worthy of breathing the same air as his classmates at Virginia Tech. Yet all week, we’ve seen countless psychiatric experts drone on and on about Cho’s obsession with violence, narcissistic tendencies, limitless anger, and bottomless pain, as if this offers some sort of window into a tortured soul who deserves our compassion and understanding.

Listen: part of being human is being angry, obsessed with violence, and in love with yourself. Otherwise, why would Fox News, CSI: Miami, and Myspace.com be so grotesquely popular? The human condition is all about pain, and life can really suck at times for just about all of us, even the people who look like they’re having the most fun. However, only a grundle-wart like Cho decides the answer to his own misery is to pile more of it on everyone else.

At this point, we’re so over hearing pro-Cho rationalizations from made-for-TV doctors. We’re over reading his crappy little plays; we’ve had it with his pre-pubescent monotone voice droning away over the TV. As far as we’re concerned, there seems to be absolutely no comfort or value in offering the tiny bastard any sort of understanding. (Aside: were it that the dude was still alive and not yet a mass murdering asswipe, it’s a different story entirely. But, as it stands, the little bitch left the party early and called the cops on his way out. Therefore he deserves to spend eternity being mocked relentlessly.)

It sucks, but the reality is, a handful of human piece of shit psychopaths are born every year, and unfortunately, raising a sociopath is not yet a crime in most countries. So for the time being, we get to share the planet with them, just like we get to share it with the AIDS virus, cancer cells, sharks, and Dick Cheney.

If there’s a deeper meaning here, it’s certainly this:

Get out and snowboard while you still can. After all, we are human only to the extent that we’re still out riding.

Comment below, because you sure as shit can’t say what you’re really thinking on anyone else’s site.


1. y jeirles - April 19, 2007

This was a great tribute to Vonnegut mixed into an editorial about last week. http://www.philalawyer.net/archives/kurt_vonnegut_i.phtml God knows what he would have thought of this week.

2. g-funk - April 19, 2007

Breakfast of Champions fresh on your mind chodeo?

Anyways, agreed that Cho is miswired. I just don’t understand why the media (us included?) insist on glorifying him with exposure? I’m not saying stick your head in the sand, but c’mon. This only teaches the next nut job that he’ll be famous- but only if his death tally is over 20…if he’d killed just the first two poor souls, would his face and “message” be blasting on every TV and radio station? Doubtful…

3. dim - April 19, 2007

Amen chode. Boo-hoo, life is so hard Im gonna kill a buch of people - give me a break. The sad part is someone should have put this guy in a hospital long before he had the chance to do anything like this.
In other, completely unrelated (aside from the snowboarding part), news, Im doing the last part of the Imperial Challenge as part of a team on Saturday. My section - through the gate at the top of the Tbar, to the top, and then down by way of Whale’s Tail to the Base of 8. Not too bad compared to doing the whole thing. Im just glad they arent making me do the 6 mile bike ride from town to the base, or the hike from the Base to the top of Tbar! Think I’ll be the only one huffing the Imperial hike with a snowboard on my back?!

4. dim - April 24, 2007

About your boy Vonnegut - by FOX NEWS