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The Real Bachelor…Yeah Boy!!!!!!!!!! February 3, 2006

So all of the ladies have been yacking it up about the Bachelor this season. Apparently he is in France and it is so romantic and blah blah blah….well, don’t believe the hype. The real deal this season is the Flavor of Love with none other than our favorite walking clock, Flavor Flav. VH1 has brought the noise with this masterful combination of rich emotional drama meets skank fest and it’s no joke.

Flavor Flav in the house! Flavor proves he got game as he tries to find who will be the next Mrs. Flav. At the end of each episode, instead of a lame rose, each lady (we use that term loosely) gets a sweet wall clock necklace so they know “what time it is.” As the season has progressed, the contestants go to Flav to backstab each other and he soon learns that he can’t truss it. You get to see how he chooses to fight the power to have a good time.

We strongly recommend you watch the Flavor of Love. You can watch that other show, cry, and be lame…….we try to help you all we can but we can’t do nothing for you man.

Punxsutawney Phil: Winter is Fabulous! February 2, 2006

So, Punxsutawney Phil has predicted another 6 weeks of winter. That little bitch better be right, because those of us stuck on the eastside are tired of riding mud covered trails and generally living through the what has been the lamest January ever.

You Go Girl!Phil also had another Groundhog day surprise: he stunned the world by announcing that he was coming out of the closet. The locals at Gobbler’s Knob were so excited that they threw a huge gay rager and stayed up all night doing the YMCA. Dude, we don’t make this shit up, we just report it straight gonzo style.

Rick Santorum could not be reached for comment, but we’re pretty sure that he’s really pissed off.

Skier beats up Rider January 31, 2006

This may be one of the only times in history that a two-planker got the better of a rider. Of course, the skier was an old man and the rider was a teenage girl.

Click here to read what happened.

X Games Wrap

We totally know that there is still one night left of Winter X. However, we don’t know very much about skiing or snowcross, and unlike Matt Drudge, we like to stick to covering topics we understand. Anyway, here’s our take on the games:

Chad Otterstrom, just one day before being smote by Jesus

  • Bow down — after Jesus team member Luke Wynen came one spot shy of qualifying for the men’s superpipe final, Jesus himself stepped in and smote Chad Otterstrom, allowing Wynen to slide into the final at the last minute. We are kind of pissed at Jesus about this because we really like Ott, and Wynen’s 1080 is weak and squirrelly looking. Just kidding. We know Jesus reads the Intraweb and we don’t want him to get angry at us. Smite away, homeboy!!
  • Travis Rice, y’all. Enough said.
  • We’ll admit that Kelly Clark looked pretty badass, at least when she was on the move. But why for the love of God with the damned out of key warbling every time she drops in! Simon Cowell: “not to be rude, but that has got to be the worst performance we’ve ever heard in this competition.”
  • Torah Bright is on the up and up with sparkly goggles ta boot. We can’t wait to see how she rolls with Bleiler and Teter in the mix at the Olympics.
  • Speaking of Torino… rumors abounded that Shaun White and Antti Autti had 1260s in the works, but they didn’t materialize this weekend. We are giddy with anticipation, three and a half times over.
  • Mason Aguirre: Stay away from my sister, dude.Senior Blanco, who won double gold this year and four peated in the slopestyle, definitely gets our respect. Even if he is the New York Yankees of snowboarding, backside 10s ain’t nuttin ta fuck wit. Props to Mason Aguirre and Scotty Lago, too.
  • Last year, back to back 1080s were the new hotness. This year, it was all about sitting out of the X games to nurse minor injuries and prepare for the Olympics. We still love Andy Finch, though.
  • Janna Meyen — yup. But no love from ESPN… you had to be in Aspen if you wanted to see anything but clips of the women’s slopestyle. Good thing Tara Dakides didn’t make the final or we would have had some choice words for the Extra Special Party Network.
  • While we’re at it with ESPN — what’s up with the crappy advertising all weekend? We’re too old to join the Navy, be above the influence, or drink Mountain Dew MDX unless someone puts vodka in it. And that goddamn Francesco commercial makes us want to STOP using edge gel. Someday soon, the ad wizards are going to realize that the snowboard demographic is getting older than age 15. Maybe then we’ll finally get the commercial we’ve been waiting to see… picture this:

    • The Coors Light party train comes rolling into Buttermilk… Gretchen Bleiler hucks a huge crippler in the pipe while Travis Rice dishes a 1080 double rodeo over it. Crazy Train is blasting on the stereo and it’s suddenly the biggest party in X-games history… beer flows like spring water, Carrie White and Molly Aguirre are rocking bikinis, and jewish rider Mike Goldschmidt is high fiving Luke Wynen… Jeff Brushi, Terje, and Craig Kelly are all there to represent, and it is dumping everywhere except for directly on the pipe and slopestyle course, with 32 and sunny in the forecast.

    Hell yeah, that would be a tight advert. Anyway, the Final Verdict on Winter X 10? Gladiators, we salute you. See you in Torino.

    Want to gain some Web 2.0 steez?

    We here at gonzorangers.com have said that we try to keep it real on the intraweb. Here is knowledge that you can drop down on those techies at work to gain some major Web 2.0 steez points. Now this is by no means an exhaustive list of Web 2.0 sites and applications but some of better ones that the have come across.

    Everyone wants to be first with the news. The majority of folks surf CNN or the drugereport shortly after getting their first cup of joe in the morning. That is so 2003. The Web 2.0 way of staying on top of the latest shark attack is Newsvine – a place where users can read, write, and influence the news.

    We know that Slashdot has reigned supreme for some time and we still sweat them. Slashdot has a Web 2.0 challenger in the likes of Digg which is a is a technology news website that combines social bookmarking, blogging, RSS, and social editorial control.

    We LIKE having our friends send us invites to share photo albums of their honeymoon to Milwaukee on Kodak.com. We LOVE the ability to do that plus search for ALL honeymoon photos and tag them with the image management and social tagging site Flickr.

    The best named site that we use is del.icio.us. Del.icio.us is a social tagging site that you can bookmark your favorite pages, share them with friends, and explore new and interesting sites.

    It is no secret that Google Desktop search sends some information back their to servers for non evil purposes. We like our civil liberties and use Copernic Desktop Search which is faster, has a better interface, and won’t slow your machine down to a crawl.

    When you need to buy new gear, check out Bensbargains.net which also has an XBOX 360 tracker. Both woot and steepandcheap sell one item daily at a sweet price.

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